Best things overheard at the 2011 Masters

One thing about going to a major golf tournament like the Masters by yourself is, you tend to hear a lot of the conversations around you, since there’s no one to hold a conversation with you.

I’m always happy to make a mental note of the funniest/strangest things I hear all day. I like to think there are so many eloquent patrons because they’re inspired by the beauty that is Augusta National, but it’s probably the $3 beers. Yet another reason to love the Masters.

So, without further ado, the best of the Masters… from outside the ropes:

After his wife dumped out the remains of her iced tea on the second cut of No. 14 fairway
Husband: “You shouldn’t have done that!”
Wife: “It’s just ice!”
Husband: “It’s Augusta National!”

A Masters patron looking at the open expanse of land at Augusta National between holes 8 and 18:
“Look at this! This open space? That’s in better shape than most of the golf courses I’ve ever played in my life.”

Rhett Evans, GCSAA CEO, after I told him that I chose to walk the two miles from my hotel to Augusta National rather than drive:
“You know they have free parking here, right?”

A Masters patron immediately after exiting the bustling golf shop at Augusta:
“They gave me a trophy as I walked out… for the least amount of money ever spent in the golf shop!”

AP Golf Writer Doug Ferguson, introducing Lorena Ochoa at the Golf Writers Association of America dinner:
“Did you know that when Lorena was the No. 1 player in the world, she went to the maintenance building at the Kraft Nabisco, and actually made the maintenance team breakfast? …I can’t imagine the other No. 1 player in the world at the time, Tiger Woods, making anyone breakfast.”

Legendary golf writer Dan Jenkins accepting an award at the Golf Writers Association of America dinner:
“It used to be that golf writers drank gin and wrote about Bobby Jones all day. Now they drink bottled water and write about Tiger Woods all day.”

A patron trying to convince a security guard that what she was seeing wasn’t what she was seeing:
Security guard: I’m sorry sir, no cell phones are allowed inside.
Patron: That’s not a phone.
Security guard: I’m sorry?
Patron: That’s a camera.
Security guard: So your camera came with a dial pad on it?

A patron, to Gary Woodland as he approached the No. 4 tee, a deceptively long 240-yard par three:
Patron: What do you think, Gary? 8-iron?
Woodland: Yeah… two of them.

A patron as he watched a group of fairway mowers cut No. 7 fairway in unison:
“This might be the coolest thing I’ve seen all day!”