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Guess what I did today, honey

By |  August 19, 2014 0 Comments

shovel_diggingSo there I was washing my hands at the end of a day spent fixing an irrigation leak, still silently cursing the company whose defective fitting was responsible for me spending the majority of the day head-first in a muck hole, when I realized it was gone.

After the initial panicked self-frisk (you know the one where you pat yourself down four times in two seconds and then start frantically turning your pockets inside-out), my silent cursing turned into audible cursing. My wedding ring was gone.

After retracing all my steps through the shop and looking through my cart and the irrigation toolbox, I went back to the likely scene of the crime and spent 30 minutes looking around in the grass for it, hoping it flew off when I was flinging mud off my hands. No luck.

The sight of me walking in circles while staring at the ground and muttering probably did nothing for the image of our profession. I could imagine the conversation in a passing cart:

Member 1:
I always figured those guys were a little off and, look, that one finally snapped.
Member 2:
Just keep driving and don’t make eye contact.

By this point, I was more than a little annoyed. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done if someone would’ve rolled up with their “hilarious” Carl Spackler impression and asked me if I had found any chinch bugs yet.

Like most married guys, the first two things I think about in most situations that involve me screwing up is 1) How long am I going to have to hear about this from my wife? And 2) How much is this going to cost? In this case, I didn’t like my odds on either front. Even though my wife is pretty laid back, I figured her sentimental side would overwhelm her normally even-tempered side and there would be at least a lecture of some sort. You know how they are about the whole wedding/marriage thing.

After giving up my search and heading home, I called my wife and told her the news. Before calling her, I had decided that I would soften the blow by telling her about my genius plan to rent a metal detector and re-dig the hole. So after delivering the news and my metal detector idea, I was surprised when all she said was, “That’s too bad, but I’m actually surprised it took you this long to lose it. Guess you’ll have to get a new one at some point.”

So at least the two big questions were answered. I wasn’t going to get any flack for it, but I was going to have to spend money. As much as I hate unnecessary spending, if I’m going to go one-for-two in this game, I’ll take spending money over getting the business for a couple weeks any day.

In any case, I was clearly more upset about it than she was. I’m not a sentimental person, yet losing my wedding ring bothered me. Despite her telling me not to worry about it, I rented the metal detector and ended up re-digging the hole after work the next day.

Of course, it was even more fun the second time. I looked through every shovel load and, as you more than likely have predicted by now, no ring.

I finally bought a new one recently. I guess the moral of the story is to either not wear your wedding ring to work or to frequently make sure it’s still there when you’re scooping mud out from around pipes and wires.

If you do lose it, no matter how cool your wife is, I’d highly recommend that you not joke, “Since I don’t have a wedding ring anymore, I guess this dog can still hunt.” Take my word for it, she won’t find it nearly as funny as you do.

Photo: freedigitalphotos.net, Photography by BJWOK

This is posted in Columns, People

About the Author: Matt Neff

Matt Neff is the assistant golf course superintendent at Wedgewood Golf & Country Club in Powell, OH. He is a graduate of Malone College in Canton, Ohio, and obtained his turfgrass science degree from The Ohio State University. He has been writing for Golfdom since 2013.


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